When I am old...

When I am old I will buy a camper van,
retired, I will travel the world, because I can.
I will grow my hair long, past my bum,
and every morning greet the sun.
When I am old I will drink whisky in the day,
too keep me warm, not an alcoholic as some might say.
I will wear patchwork pants and rainbow tops,
I will listen to Folk music, not whats Top of the Pops.
When I am old I will get a mural tattooed on my back,
because there will be nobody to give me the sack.
I will perform the art of belly dance too,
and go on OAP coach trips to the zoo.
When I am old I will eat pop tarts for breakfast,
not caring what I look like, licking the icing off last.
I will be the noisy one rustling sweet wrappers in the library,
and if shushed give them a look that is scary.
When I am old I will get a walking stick that I don't need,
and push to the front of queues with it, by example I won't lead.
I will go out to parties and leave at nine,
on the way home, the takeaway is where I will dine.
When I am old I will tell boring stories that are really long,
and when they fall asleep, scare them by bursting into song.
I will shout at youths to turn the music down and behave,
then turn my music up and walk away/rave.
When I am old I will embarrass my kids,
and collect shiny milk bottle lids.
I will turn my hearing aid off to enjoy the quiet,
but when music starts up, turn into a bad ass Wyatt.
When I am old I will smoke cigars,
and at night, lay in a field and gaze at the stars.
I will have my palm read by a wiser woman than me,
and aim to drink every type of fruit tea.
When I am old I will live life to the full,
but then I may die aged 40, and this poem will be a load of bull!

By Rachel Oliver